


if you're gonna let me down...

by Frooster



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anniversary, Arguing, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Marriage Proposal, but its probably because im a weak little bitch, but that does nothing for the plot, changbin is a writer, changbin thinks seungmin is cheating on him, oh yeah theres also a cheesy card, seungmin is a bit of a workaholic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21579700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frooster/pseuds/Frooster
Summary: It's their 3 year anniversary. Changbin had been preparing for their evening all day, but when he gets a message from Seungmin, telling him that he will be late (again), his fears get the best of him. And once that doubt sets in, it's hard to displace.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 179





	if you're gonna let me down...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seungbinsung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungbinsung/gifts).



Changbin sighed when he looked down at his phone. 

**Seungmin:** _ sorry! My boss needed me to stay late to finish some papers. I’m gonna miss dinner :( _

Looking over the mess in the kitchen, Changbin wondered if it was worth it.  _ We’ve been together for 3 years,  _ he thought.  _ Does he even remember it’s our anniversary? _

He thought about the small band he had carefully baked into the cupcakes. The trip to the store and the five minutes he spent looking at cupcake wrappings to figure out which one Seungmin would like best, and he couldn’t even bother to be mad at the younger for having to stay late. After all, it wasn’t  _ his  _ fault that the younger got his dream job fresh out of college. It wasn’t  _ his _ fault that Seungmin was so good he got promoted early on. 

Seungmin had been ecstatic. But the couple didn’t realize how many more hours he would have to put in at the company to make up for his larger workload. Changbin got to work from his own schedule, writing whatever came to his mind and then publishing it. He’d managed to sell 2 poetry books and was working on completing his first novel. The two were in a perfect step, financially and in life, to consider getting married. And they had. Extensively. 

Their engagement was much anticipated by the duo, but no one had the courage to kneel down and ask yet. When they met at a career fair at their college, the two had hit it off almost instantly, but it took Changbin pulling his head out of his ass long enough to realize  _ hey, this cute guy is talking to me, maybe I should pay attention to him  _ for the pair to develop into something more _.  _

Sure enough, paying attention led to coffee, which led to a walk in the park, which led to dinner, which led to drinks at the karaoke bar and the two found themselves at Seungmin’s apartment quicker than the night allowed. 

Two years later, they’ve both graduated. Three years later, Changbin is ready to pop the question, but who is there to ask?  _ No one.  _

**Changbin:** _ no problem! Just text me when you’re on the way home  _

That wasn’t what he wanted to say. What he  _ wanted  _ to ask was “do you even remember? Do you remember our first fight? The second one? What about the first time you met my family? Or I met yours? Do you remember how you held me all night before we left because you were afraid they would reject us?

“What about when I got my first book published? You treated me to a reheated steak dinner because we were living on  _ crumbs  _ before that. But we made it. We were together and we were  _ happy.  _

“Sometimes I forget that I have a boyfriend. Do you? At this point, I don’t think it’s even worth it to ask you to marry you because you’d have to divorce your job first.

“I love you, Seungmin, I really do. But, right now, I don’t know if you love me.”

But he didn’t say any of that. Instead, he got up, and he started putting up the lasagna he had slaved away over for an hour because he knew it was Seungmin’s favorite food. He put up the nice dishes he had set out and put the wine they had been saving for something special.  _ Guess their anniversary wasn’t good enough for it. _

Finally, in a bitter act of vengeance, he set out the engagement cupcake, and the cheesy card that he had bought with a slice of pizza on the front and “you stole a pizza my heart” written in a font that would be near painful for the younger to read. Every year, they had tried to outdo each other when it came to how silly they could make the card.  _ I wonder if he even remembered that? _

After he finished cleaning up the kitchen, he went to their room where he had changed the sheets and laid out chocolate in random places in the room. This anniversary was going to be the most goddamn romantic anniversary Seungmin had ever experienced, but now it wasn’t going to happen. Too tired to clean up the room, he stripped down to his underwear, pulling flannel pajama pants on and leaving the dress shirt and slacks in a pile on the floor. He threw the sheets back, dislodging the rose petals he had carefully scattered, and he crawled into the silky smooth sheets he had changed not even hours before.

As Changbin laid in bed, he kept the mantra going in his head,  _ it’s going to be okay. Seungmin is worth it. You have been through worse together, you can survive this too. Don’t worry about him not being here. He still loves you.  _

Interrupting his own line of reassurances, that doubt niggled in the back of his head.  _ What if he doesn’t love you? What if there’s someone else at work who he thinks is better for him. They would be around each other all day, even late into the night if tonight if anything to go off of. He should have been home almost an hour ago. What if he was getting dinner with that coworker? I bet it was Jeongin. Min talked about him way too much for them to just be — _

Wait, what was he doing? Seungmin cared about him. That was obvious from the way he would always come in late and, instead of making a racket, he’d come into the room, get ready for bed, and always,  _ always,  _ kiss Changbin’s forehead before going to bed.  _ Someone who does that isn’t cheating on you.  _ Changbin told himself, but he just couldn’t believe it. 

Rolling over, he decided he’d talk with Seungmin in the morning and figure out if their relationship was going where he thought it was, or where he  _ wanted  _ it to go. 

_ Tomorrow. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.  _

_ ~~~ _

Seungmin was ready to go home. Yes, he loved his job. Yes, he loved his coworkers.  _ Yes,  _ he loved the paycheck that came with working extra hours. But before all of that, he loved his boyfriend. He felt like he hadn’t had a legitimate conversation with Changbin in at least a month, and that sucked. 

He had plans to leave early, but just as he was packing up, Jinyoung came up to his desk and carefully placed a stack of at least 30 pages on it. 

“Hyung, what’s this?” He asked, putting his bag back down and pulling the papers closer. 

“These just got faxed over to me. Apparently, Lix was unaware of the contract that BangAuto needed signed before they would accept the partnership. This has a list of clauses and issues that need to be looked over.” Seungmin felt his heart drop, knowing  _ exactly  _ where the older was going with this explanation. “I’ve already skimmed it and highlighted some key points you’ll need to look over, but the contract needs to be faxed back tomorrow.”

Forcing the whine out of his throat, Seungmin glances back up at Jinyoung, even as he pulled a notepad out to take notes. “Is it not possible for Felix to do this one himself? I’ve got some plans for tonight.”

“Even if you just do half of it, it’ll be a major help. I don’t want to keep you more than an hour, I know it’s your anniversary and I wouldn’t ask you to do this unless there was no other choice.”

“I understand,” Seungmin began to read over the introduction, rolling his eyes at the inflated words (and the egos behind them). “I’m leaving when the clock hits 9:00. You can’t stop me from that.”

Jinyoung glanced down at his watch. “It’s 8:07 now, I’ll leave you to it. And, Seungmin? Thank you again so much. I hope that you’ll still get to enjoy your anniversary tonight.” With those parting words, Jinyoung turned smartly on his heel and moved back to his own desk, settling in for at least another 2 hours of paperwork. 

As Seungmin watched the older retreat, the only thought that ran through his mind before he texted Changbin to let him know what happened was  _ yeah, me too.  _

_ ~~~ _

_ [10:05]  _

Seungmin stumbled through the door to his and Changbin’s shared apartment, eyes barely staying open. He knew the older would be mad at him, but that didn’t stop him from going to the kitchen to see if Changbin had left him anything to eat. Opening the microwave, his heart clenched when he saw the single serving of lasagna drooping on their fine china. 

_He made my favorite food, and I couldn’t even be here to appreciate it._ Seungmin closed the door and reheated it, moving to the fridge to grab a water bottle. Easing the door opened revealed their most expensive wine chilling in the side door next to the waters. Another shot to the heart. The older had put so much effort in for him, and what did he do? He didn’t show up on the one day that mattered. 

Seungmin ate quickly, not paying attention to anything else that was in the room, instead washing his plate and going to their shared room down the hall. He winced at the flower petals he saw scattered about, knowing that Changbin had carefully arranged them before angrily displacing them to get into their bed. 

_ I really ruined everything about this anniversary, didn’t I? _

He changed quickly, crawling into bed next to his boyfriend, and tried to wrap his arms around Changbin, but he was shaken off. 

~~~

Changbin knew the second Seungmin got home. He hadn’t been able to sleep, no matter how hard he tried, he was too used to falling asleep with a warm body next to his, the bed felt too cold without Seungmin there. 

“Welcome home,” Changbin muttered, not doing anything to mask the hurt in his voice. When he felt Seungmin wince behind him, he felt bitter satisfaction race through him, knowing that  _ he  _ was the reason Seungmin hurt.  _ I wonder if he likes how it feels? _

“I’m sorry I missed dinner,” Seungmin whispered, following the same script they had gone over so many times before that. “Felix didn’t finish a few things at the office, and Jinyoung-hyung was behind. There wasn’t anything I could have done, and I swear I tried to get someone else to do it.”

“You did?” Changbin kept his back to the younger, knowing that if he turned he would see how apologetic Seungmin was, and he wouldn’t be able to stay mad at him. “Then why did you have to text me? Why did you show up hours after you had said you would?”

“I  _ tried!”  _ Seungmin said, reaching out to Changbin, but he just shook the younger’s hand off of him again. 

“And you  _ failed!”  _ Changbin replied, the frustration he felt finally seeping in. “And it isn’t the first time you’ve failed. Hell, it isn’t the first time this  _ week!”  _ He turned to look at Seungmin, sitting up to match the younger. “What is it going to take Min? I feel like I’m waiting for you every single night. And there’s nothing that you’ve done to stop it. I thought you would maybe care enough to show up tonight, considering it was our  _ anniversary,  _ but I guess I shouldn’t have fooled myself, huh? In the end, I’m still second place aren’t I?” 

Changbin was breathing harshly by the end of his rant, and Seungmin was staring at him with wide eyes. “You think you’re really second? You don’t think I don’t beat myself up every time I have to tell you that I’m going to be late? You don’t think I hate being the second to last person to leave every other night? I  _ want  _ to come home, Changbin, but I thought you understood that I  _ couldn’t.” _

“You don’t prove it.” Changbin cut the other off again, and he shoved all his pain toward him. “Whenever you’re here, you’re talking about your time at the office. When was the last time you actually stopped and listened to me when I told you about my day?  _ I  _ can’t even remember. That’s how long it’s been. The last time we had sex was over 3 weeks ago. We used to do something at least once a week, but you’ve been so busy at work you’re either not home soon enough, or you’re too tired when you  _ are  _ here.

“Bin-” Seungmin tried to cut in, but Changbin waved him off. 

“This house stopped feeling like home almost a month ago. Did you notice? We don’t laugh together anymore. We don’t dance in the kitchen like we used to. The last time we ate together you ate as quickly as you could, kissed me once, and then went to work on your computer because you had to bring work home. 

“I understand your job is everything to you, but if it continues being  _ this  _ big of a priority, maybe it should be your only one.” Changbin pushed the sheets back and swung his legs off of the bed. “I’m going to sleep in the guest room tonight. Maybe me being gone will make you realize what it feels like when I have to wait for you.” 

As Changbin made his way to the door, he felt something hit his back, and when he turned to look, he realized Seungmin had thrown something at him. Looking to where the object had landed, he bent down to pick it up. 

_ The ring.  _ He tried, he really did, to stop the tears, but they welled up faster than he could have even thought of repressing them.  _ So he really doesn’t want me anymore, huh?  _ His knees gave out under him, and he fell to their floor, rolling the ring between his fingers over and over again. 

“So this is it?” He whispered, not even loud enough for the younger to hear him. “This is where we end?” Everything he had felt toward Seungmin washed over him in the seconds that followed. The anger, frustration, sadness, and, more powerful than the others, the love. He still loved Seungmin. Despite everything that they were dealing with right now, he still wanted to spend his life with the younger. 

_ But I guess he doesn’t return the sentiment.  _ As Changbin ran his fingers over the ring again, he felt a small groove on the inside of the ring. 

_ Wait.  _

He ran his fingers over the groove again, and again. There was nothing like that on the ring he had gotten for Seungmin. He had everything, every single part of that band memorized. 

He sniffed and wiped at his eyes, raising the ring to look it over.  _ This isn’t my ring,  _ he realized.  _ That means… _

Changbin looked up to Seungmin, who was staring at him with tears in his own eyes. “Do you know why I had to pull so much overtime?” Seungmin whispered, crawling off the bed and moving to Changbin.  “I was saving for that. I was trying to get enough money to get you a ring you deserved. Every time I had to miss a minute with you, it hurt. I beat myself up every time I saw how hurt you would look when I came in late. Every time I sent you a text message, I would justify it, saying tonight would make it all worth it. But then I was late tonight too.

“Changbin, you have absolutely no idea how much I hate myself for what I did. How much I wish I could go back in time and change what I did so you wouldn’t have to feel the pain that I put you through. But I can’t. The only thing I can promise you is that I will do my best to stay by your side. I will do everything in my power to make sure you never have to feel this sadness again and that you will know  _ exactly  _ how loved you are.”

Seungmin wrapped Changbin in his arms, resting his chin on the older’s head as he sobbed. Changbin, through his own tears, felt his hair grow damp, and he realized Seungmin was crying too. 

“We’re- we’re a mess,” he sniffed, pulling back to look at his boyfriend -- no, his fiance. 

“You were a mess first,” Seungmin said, wiping at his eyes, before reaching out to brush away Changbin’s tears, too. And as he did, Changbin wasn’t sure how he could have doubted the younger didn’t love him. The tenderness when he touched Changbin wasn’t something that could be faked. 

“You didn’t check the cupcake downstairs, did you?” Changbin asked, still rolling the ring between his fingers. 

“No,” Seungmin replied, taking the ring from the older. “Why? It was just a cupcake, wasn’t it?”

“Not quite,” Changbin said, smiling when Seungmin slipped the band onto his finger. “It just had your ring in it too.”

When Seungmin looked up at him, his eyes wide with shock, Changbin couldn’t help but laugh, pulling the younger in and kissing him. They sat on the bedroom floor, smiling and kissing through their lingering tears. 

Maybe there will come a time when they fight again. (Who are they kidding, there definitely will.) But Changbin reassured himself at that moment that they would be able to survive whatever it was. Because that’s what they do, because that’s who they are. 

As they crawled into their bed, immediately turning to each other and curling into the other, Changbin felt overwhelmed thinking of what he had almost lost that day. “I love you,” he whispered, reaching up to cup Seungmin’s cheek. 

“And I love you too,” Seungmin replied, touching Changbin’s hand and running his finger over the ring that the older hadn’t wanted to remove. Tomorrow, Changbin would clean off Seungmin’s ring and he would properly ask for the younger’s hand, but for tonight, they were enough.  _ And they always will be. _

**Author's Note:**

> Ayeeee it's me again... At least this time it's just a one-shot. This is dedicated to the lovely Laine, who has been pressuring me to write seungbin ever since I met her (I hope this makes you happy.)
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated! You can also come yell at me on [twt](https://twitter.com/2minlix) if you want! I hope y'all enjoyed this! See you next time <3


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